She always wants to pose with you when you're not feeling at your best. Then, she hands her phone to a gap-toothed cretin who hasn't progressed beyond a flip.
- Sally returns to pose, hugging you a bit inappropriately.
- He points the iPhone the wrong direction. Sally corrects him.
- He counts to three and pushes the edge of the phone. Sally corrects him.
- He counts to three, but at two Sally stops him because he's covering the lens area.
- He counts to three and nothing happens, so he turns the iPhone around to investigate; it flashes in his face; Sally now has a picture of his nose. Sally tells him there's a delay.
- He counts to five, thinking that would solve the timing issue. The phone flashes at seven.
- Sally takes the camera, checks the photo, and realizes you had your eyes closed. Your drink is nearly empty and you'd rather suffer an under-nail splinter than a retake.
- He tries again, but someone walks in front as he takes the picture.
- He tries again, but an idiot is holding rabbit ears up behind your head.
- He tries again, and you sprint away before she can force another shot.
Sally spends close to five minutes posting the photo to Foursquare and Facebook while tagging everyone within a twenty-foot radius. You're notified on your phone. Your mother texts you suggesting you may have a drinking problem. "Thanks, Sally."
A nice gentleman approaches and asks the usual questions a stranger poses to someone he'd eventually love to penetrate. Sally notices and screeches about how cute you two are. She deploys the dreaded iPhone and demands a photo. The new guy stands next to you and smiles. That's not good enough for Sally.
"Come on, you two. You're acting like strangers. Get closer."
"Sally, I just met him."
"We're all friends here. Hug her, Mister ... hey, what's your name?"
"Hug her, Trevor. She's a hottie."
Great. You permit the cuddle. One picture isn't enough. She takes six, thinking she's doing you a favor. Sally needs a beating. Sally remarks about what a nice couple you make, but she doesn't show you the pictures, which she posts and tags. You receive a text message from your mother reminding you to use condoms. Your ex-boyfriend sends you a text calling you a heartless skank-ho. You leave the bar and plot your revenge.