How to benefit from the Fifty Shades craze.

On Sale Now -$2.99

The three E. L. James books in the Fifty Shades series now occupy positions one through three in Amazon's Kindle bestsellers. The books have been described as "mommy porn," which I find pretty accurate after having read the first one. Face it: a man's pleasure points are accessed through the eyes, whereas a woman's pleasure points are accessed through the ears. These books are laser-targeted at the ear clitoris.

Whenever I see a craze coming or happening, I investigate why and then look for a way to leverage it. That's why I wrote a parody, Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks, and rushed to publish it (twenty days from thought to sale).

Why are these books selling faster than lip gloss and sparkled jeans?

• There are numerous sexually neglected or dissatisfied women around--this includes married ones. Men aren't putting in the effort (foreplay, oral, proper courtship) they used to, nor the time required to level off the orgasm seesaw.
• Women relate to and long for Ana's innocence.
• Big mystery, money, and manhood make for an irresistible man.
• People often buy a thing because people are buying the thing.

What's with the ratings, and why are the second and third book rated so much higher?

• The ratings on the first book are polar. Like the movies Fight Club and Pulp Fiction, people either love it or hate it. People who are indifferent rarely bother to take the time to say so.
• Anyone who struggled to make it through the first book would have no reason to invest $10 in either of the next two. The first book acts like a filter.

Why don't men appreciate the books?

• They're unrealistic to the point of being ridiculous.
• Although women believe (and some men say) that men prefer a virginal lover, nothing is further from the truth. Sex with an inexperienced woman is as much fun as golfing with someone who has never swung a golf club. Men want a skilled lover without knowing the specifics around how those skills were acquired. (Just tell him you learned by reading books.)
• Most men can't fathom being physically rough with a woman. It's just not how a proper gentleman is wired (let's hope).
• SPOILER ALERT: At one point, Christian insists on getting it on, although Ana is having a visit from Aunt Flo. So, she allows him to grab the rip cord and remove Aunt Flo's luggage and then proceeds to create rust stains. Gross! Ladies, your man will have sex with you while Aunt Flo is around, but he prefers to not hear about her until after.

Like any opportunist, I long to ride E. L. James' coattails. Some writers will sniff at that, and to those I offer no apology; I have bills to pay. My goals with the parody were:

• Write and publish it quickly before the hype subsides.
• Make it sexy AND funny, without being long-winded. Nobody is going to masturbate to my book, so I don't need to drivel on for pages with explicit sexual details.
• Insert as many kinky, yet realistic situations as possible.
• Gather feedback from my blog, Facebook, and Twitter followers.
• Have it edited quickly.
• Sell it cheaply.
• Give away as many copies as possible. (Email me at ptorcivia@gmail.com and I'll send you a free copy.)
• Plan on writing sequels, if this one sells.

Well, my book released today. It's $2.99 on Kindle and $5.99 in paperback. Amazon is going to make it free as part of their KDP Select program from May 13-17. Check it out and tell me what you think of the strategy by commenting here.