It can start on the red carpet. If a woman strolls down the carpet ...
- wearing a hat, it's worth one gulp.
- with her bellybutton showing, one gulp.
- and she stumbles, two gulps.
- with both knees showing, one gulp.
- with one knee showing, a sip.
- with hair braids, a sip.
- carrying a fan, a sip.
- wearing glasses, a sip.
If a man strolls down the carpet ...
- wearing a black shirt under a black jacket, one gulp.
- wearing aviator sunglasses, one gulp.
- in short sleeves, one gulp.
- and gives the finger, two gulps.
- wearing a red or white bow tie, a sip.
- carrying anything, a sip.
- wearing fur, a sip.
- with a non-white handkerchief, a sip.
See? Wasn't that fun? Now you're half-cocked and you'll enjoy the awards. Next, let's concentrate on Billy Crystal. Every time he uses one of the following words, you drink:
- Jew (or Jewish)
Are you hanging in there or hugging the porcelain? Flush and head back to the sofa. Once the awards start flying, the acceptance speeches are a fine focal point. When you hear the following, you lift, tip, and swallow:
Have your scorecards and bottles ready. If we're fortunate enough to witness a Nicki Minaj finale, we'll avoid tomorrow's hangover as her vomit-inducing antics are sure to help us purge.