What a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Bachelors and bachelorettes have talent, America.

When this popped up on my Facebook stream, I admit I felt it deserved further investigation. The teaser said it featured two stars from The Bachelor showing their Cirque du Soleil skills. I love those pliable clowns wearing all that makeup. The Cirque performers are talented too.

How could I resist?

I clicked, viewed, and realized it’s as sensible as a picture of me tossing a crumpled piece of paper showing my skill of throwing 100MPH fastballs. Stupid. In the picture, Tenley and Kypton (ew, their names even annoy me) are playing a dumb game of airplane that children play. It’s not cute; it’s dangerous.

Sure, the picture shows Tennie beaming as she soars over freakishly strong Kyppie, but we all need to know what happened next!
  • She fell and smashed the dog, which means no more dog-sitting jobs for the talented duo.
  • One of her earrings came loose and lodged itself in Kyppie’s throat.
  • She took it up a notch by adding the other fun game of letting a spit pendulum hang toward his face and sucking it back just before it touches his nose.
  • She fell backwards and smashed the TV.
  • They realized a strange person was in the home kneeling next to them while holding a camera and simultaneously screamed.
  • Tennie noticed that Kyppie left his “god damn sneakers” under the sofa again.
  • Kyppie realized his pink toenail polish could use some retouching.
  • They chest-bumped and began planning how to spend all the money they were paid for the "exclusive."
See the exclusive picture and article on WetPaint.com.

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