What a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia

Sunday, November 13, 2011

If he doesn’t call you, what does it mean?


Last night, I ran into a woman I dated once … once. Actually, I was chatting with her friend and when she introduced us, a tiny sensor went off in my Bushmills brain that said, “She looks familiar.” My sensors are less sensitive nowadays, leaving me in embarrassing situations.

“Oh, don’t even act like you don’t remember me.”
“Huh?”
“We had dinner date then went back to my place and I kicked your ass in Foosball.”
“Um…”
“What? You were so butt-hurt about a girl whooping you that you forgot to call?”
“I … but … losing in Foosball? That’s impossible.”
“Pathetic.”
“I think you have me confused with someone else.”
“No. You’re an author from Philadelphia. You drove a white Infiniti.”
Holy fucking shit. I’m such an ass.
“I’m just messing with you. Of course I remember.”
“Right. Let’s go, Betsy. Buh-bye, loser.”

Off they went. Well, I didn’t take a chardonnay bath so it could have been worse. Her friend was cute, but my chances were diminished now that Ms. Jilted tore me a new one.

Honestly, I don’t remember her or the date. I’ve dated numerous women since becoming single eight years ago. I can’t expect to recall every detail of every date, can I? I don’t think we had sex. Hm. Nope. I usually remember that. She probably had an annoying dog or halitosis. Whatever the reason, if I didn’t call her, I must not have been that into her so I did her a favor by tossing her back. It was only one date. How could she be sufficiently into me to hold such a grudge?

My buddies found it amusing. As much as I try to stay in the shadows, drama finds me and I eventually become the entertainment.

“You know she probably practiced your beat-down in the mirror for years just waiting for this day to come.”
“Stop. It was one fucking date.”
“Right now she’s taking laps around the bar telling all the single women you’re a heartless swine.”
“I know. Damn it. Her friend was cute, too.”
“No shot.”
“Oh, I bet if I pushed it, I could get a date out of her friend.”
“No way.”
“Women have egos too, dude. Her friend must know she’s a sassy pain-in-the-ass-y and is confident she’d have better luck with me.”
“That’s some twisted-ass logic.”
“Seriously. If you went on one date with a chick and she never returned your calls, that wouldn’t scare me away from her.”
“What if I told you she can burp the alphabet?”
“Fine.”

Jesus, woman! I’m sorry I didn’t call you. What would I have said, anyway? “Thank you for the date last night. I’m not feeling it, so there won’t be a second date. Have a nice life.” Radio silence is gentler. My conflict avoidance gene insists I skulk away quietly. If I burn a few bridges along the way, so be it. Life is too short to go on second dates with dead ends.

7 comments:

  1. I agree with that ... but what if he falls off the face of the earth for a month, then comes back apologizing, saying you're a "super coolr girl and an amazing person" and that you didn't deserve to be treated poorly, asks for another date but his schedule is crazy/busy and says "*we* just have to be patient", two more weeks pass and nothing. Give up or wait?

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  2. Thats why I hate dating! You never know the real reason behind certain things and the fact you didnt really remember her was the worst ego bruising part. You didnt do it to be a bastard Im sure but your right life is too short.

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  3. Please, everyone knows if he doesn't call he's not into you. What the hell? I reckon she's a crazy bitch.

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  4. Maybe she wasn't into him and was just playing with his head. Notice that she didn't call him, either. And then there are the times we pray they Don't call so we don't have to play dodge ball.

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  5. The woman should have her own standards. When I was still dating, If a guy was 30 minutes late ..I left. There is no use waitng around to find out that he stood you up. Then if you see him again you can honestly say " We had a date and you didn't show? Oh I didn't realize." Or Or if he is a prick and starts bad mouthing you for not being there you canask him exactly HOW late he was with out calling you?

    If a guy didn't call in three or four days after a date I figured he wasn't into me and moved on. If he called two weeks later, I wasn't into him. I also NEVER went on a date that was asked for less than 3 days before hand. even if I had no plans I was not going out with a guy who thought I would be up for a booty call.

    BTW I married the GREATEST guy in the universe and I make sure EVERY day that he knows I think he is the bes and I make sure he is happy too.

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  6. I bet she felt so proud of herself after that. My guess is that she's still single.

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