What a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Equation

Words, words, words … it’s time for math. Math is concrete whereas words are open to interpretation. If I apply equations to my relationships, perhaps I can learn how to solve my problems.

Here is this week’s lesson plan:

a)      Woman + (Martini x 3) = Phil – (10 x Year) – (10 x Pound)
b)      Mexican + Leaf Blower = Phil – Sleep
c)      Cat x 2 = 0 x Vagina
d)      Aloha Taylor – Panty Lines = Sunny + Boner
e)      Wendy Williams – Wig = Arsenio Hall
f)       Phil + (Time x Lots) = This
g)      Phil + Bar + Open Seat = Opportunity
h)      Girl – Instructions = Confusion
i)       Wife – ((Husband x 2-Days) + Golf + Strippers) = Credit Card – Credit Limit + Shoes
j)       Bartender + Cleavage = Phil – Money (not Phil + Sex)
k)      Bed – Woman = (0 x Interruptions) + Farts
l)       Shower + Soap – Woman + Imagination = Drain Babies + Disgust
m)     Prius + Asian Driver = 12 x Angry Drivers
n)      Man – Job + Video Game + Cheetos = 0 x Blowjobs
o)      Cougar + La Crema Chardonnay + Big Ring + Bedazzle = Lay-up
p)      Phil + Feather on a Stick = 2 x Confused Cat
q)      Men’s Room + Attendant + Cologne + Mint = Empty Tip Basket + Floor Urine
r)       Rear Window Decal = Minivan + Douche
s)       Woman + Ovulation = Man + (Deep x Shit), but
t)       Phil – Section of Vas Deferens = 0 x Babies = $0 x Child Support = 0 x Rubbers = Glee
u)      Red Wine x 4 = Skull + Hammer
v)      (Tequila x 4) + (Woman – Looks) = Mating Option
w)     Biker + Shorts + Helmet + Clip Shoes = Moving Target
x)      Salad + Cherry Tomato = Stain
y)      First Date + (Name Dropping x Jesus) = Last Date
z)      Head – Hair = Cap

1 comment:

  1. This means I'll have to wait until my kids are in their late 30's to teach them intermediate math? Well played!

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