What a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia

Friday, April 15, 2011

Make Room


      “We’re both single and frustrated with the dating scene, so why don’t we just give this a shot?”
      “But, we just met.”
      “So? I’m just like any other guy you meet for the first time, and you wound up falling in love with one or more of those men from your past. Hence, I am qualified.”
      “I can’t even tell if we have chemistry yet.”
      “Chemistry, shmemistry. We’re attracted to each other or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. That’s something to build upon.”
      “How do I know you’re not just playing games?”
      “You don’t and neither do I. We’re even.”
      “No, we’re not. Men have the upper hand. Women need to be careful about to whom they choose to commit. I need to know that you’re clean, kind, and dependable. There’s no way for me to know that after one glass of wine.”
      “Point well made. Give me a chance to prove all of those and more. How will we know if we are compatible if we don’t make the effort? If we set aside time to spend together and it turns out the spark is missing, then fine—better to know earlier than later. But, if there is a spark (and I’m placing my colorful chip on the ‘Spark’ square), we’ll be relieved that we didn’t drag out the typical dating nonsense.”
      “Hm.”
      “Look, I’m not asking you to marry me. All I want is for both of us to make room for that special person. I don’t care if it’s a thirty-minute lunch two days from now. We need to make an appointment, keep the appointment, and give it a chance. If it ends with a kiss on the cheek or a pat on the fanny, so be it.”
      “I’m so exhausted by this dating game. It would be such a relief to find a fit.”
      “Then, try me on, girlfriend. I’m somewhat adjustable (except when it comes to large dogs and bondage). You may not convince me to skydive, but I cook a mean lasagna. How many match.com dates have provided orgasmic lasagna? None.”
      “There’s more to a relationship than good meals.”
      “Ah, yes, but that’s a good start, isn’t it? The fact that I want you to moan your way through a plate I prepared should encourage you. If nothing else, you’ll get a few giggles from the sight of me in an apron laced with spaghetti sauce splashes.”
      “I can’t imagine it.”
      “Good, don’t try. Just say yes and enjoy my treats. It’s better than being in treatment. We’re both heading there if we continue with this online dating nonsense. Give me a title shot. Come on.”
      “I have such a busy week ahead of me.”
      “Make room for love, my dear, or love will pass you by.”
      “I have to be responsible. I have bills to pay, you know.”
      “Make room.”
      “What about next weekend?”
      “Is that what you want out of a relationship—weekly appointments?”
      “No, but this is a rough week.”
      “Find three slots for me during the week, even if fifteen-minute ones. I’ll arrive at your convenience and show you I’m worth sliding over for.”
      “OK, deal.”

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